His disloyal highness

Here's a few things we learned now that LeBron James has finally announced his long-awaited "Decision," which now returns us to our regularly-scheduled lives.

DAN GILBERT ISN'T HAPPY.

The Cavaliers owner dragged out the heavy artillery in a letter to Cleveland fans on the Cavs' web site, referring to James as "our former hero," who's guilty of "cowardly betrayal" and perpetuated "this shocking act of disloyalty." But the best part was this paragraph, written all in caps:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE."

Gilbert even went on to bestow a "curse" on LeBron, saying that "until he does 'right' by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma."

Geez, Dan. Tell us what you really think.

SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO LIVE IN CAVES.

I happened to watch the spectacle unfold at a restaurant bar, with most of the TVs tuned to ESPN, but one set on CNN. Judging from CNN's coverage, you'd think you were watching the Oscars. They had split screens of live crowd shots from Miami, Cleveland and New York while their "experts" prattled on about the "big decision" that was coming in just a few moments.

To ESPN's credit, they had been reporting for some time that "all indications" had LeBron heading to South Beach, which obviously threw a wet rag on their one-hour televised "exclusive." But that didn't stop the competition from turning the James informercial into "breaking news."

As soon as James uttered the word "Miami," CNN flashed "IT'S MIAMI!" on the bottom of the screen with somewhat predictable crowd reactions. The folks in South Beach started dancing and preening. The people in New York silently left the screen and went back to watching the Yankees.

But the feed from Cleveland was puzzling. One woman could only stare at the screen, mouth agape like a wax statue. And what was with the guy who reacted as if he were punched in the stomach and screamed, "NO!" Could he have possibly been that shocked? Or even mildly surprised? Really?

MIAMI'S NICER THAN CLEVELAND.

This may be the biggest deciding factor. Sure, the thought of playing with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh had a lot to do with it, but if you were a single, 25-year-old professional sports superstar with the ability and opportunity to make such a choice, where would you rather be? Clubbing it up in the sand and surf or shoveling snow? Ice in your cocktail or under your feet? When you're cold, putting on a sweater or a parka?

Makes it a lot simpler, doesn't it? Now, let's put this dog and pony show behind us, crack open a cold one and watch some baseball.